


I was always a killer..

by RavensWriting



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Protective Diego Hargreeves, The Hargreeves | Umbrella Academy Need a Hug, They all get kidnapped, five has to save them but gets abused, his powers go crazy when he gets angry, powerful number five
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavensWriting/pseuds/RavensWriting
Summary: The Hargreeves get captured by ex commissioners and its up to a traumatised five to save them.Things get ugly quick and the family finally see five for who he is, a killer.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone
Comments: 12
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

Of course it couldn't be over, life could never be easy for the Hargreeves siblings.

It had been almost 3 days since they last saw five, Vanya was kept on medication which took away her powers, Luther was restrained by unworldly ropes, Allison had her throat laced with chemicals which limited her talking which for now has only been able to manage a shrivelled shriek and Diego was kept away from all sharp objects, these ex commission jerks knew who they were and how to deal with them, for the first time in their lives they were completely powerless.

They sat on a bug infested basement floor in silence, waiting for someone **ANYONE** to at least tell them where they are.

"what do you think they have done with five?" Allison squeaked out emotionlessly, " do you think he's okay?"

silence.

Finally a voice spoke up, it was the chirp of Klaus who even in times of terror has the ability to make the situation seem like a game, " Are you kidding? have you **met** Five!? We should be hoping the guys who **attacked** us are okay!" He chuckles sadly.

There is a second of smiles across his siblings faces as they humour the thought that five is out there kicking ass as usual.

suddenly a burst of screams wakes them from their individual daze.

"What the hell is that?" Diego attempts to stand before the chains remind him of his captivity. He falls with a growl.

**Screams**

**Gunshots**

_**bang** _

**bang**

**B A N G**

**"** _he's heading for the basement!"_

A mans desperate yells echo through the walls as the door to the basement swings open and slams shut _Locked_ with enough force to knock whoever was on the other side flying. 

Vanyas lip quivers, Diego and Luther share a horrified glare as the reveal of a bloodied and bruised five comes into view, sweat coating his body like a layer of clingfilm.

He takes in deep breaths before running towards his chained siblings.

"Im so sorry Im so sorry" he pleaded with self hatred in his words, his family cant help but stare in disbelief and horror.

"Five what the hell did they do to you!?" Luther says with enough authority to snap five out of whatever was going on inside his head. He froze. 

His mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, he finally sighs deeply and finds his voice, "I don't want to talk about it".

He unchains his siblings one by one not giving them enough time to bombard him with a symphony of questions and pity stares.

"Alright" Five says with as much confidence as he can muster. " We need to get out of here, we need to use my powers they have the entire building surrounded" He darts his gaze between each of his siblings.

_Five.._

"I know my powers haven't always worked the best but it shouldn't be that far and I don't need to time travel I just need to teleport with you all-"

_Five._

_"_ I will get you all home I promise!"

_**FIVE** _

A flinch escapes fives body at the volume from his usually timid sister Vanya.

"what" he says through gritted teeth.

"You are not in any condition to make your jumps! Look at you! you can barely stand up"

A sound too close to a whimper escapes fives mouth as he attempts to straighten his stance to show his stability.

"Yeah bud" Klaus pipes up from behind Vanya as if using her as a human shield from their cranky little brother.

"Maybe we should just-"

**BANG**

_Suddenly armed men come storming into the basement cornering five off from his siblings, they form a circle around them with their guns aimed._

_Before five can even act there is a knife to his throat and an arm around his torso, he squirms in the hold trying desperately to get to his family._

"No NO **NO"** He shrieks out as he fights against the mans grasp.

He's going to loose them again, he always looses them, no matter what he tries he always ends up the same, **ALONE.**

_Blue sparks begin to sizzle from his fingertips._

**45 years of planning, of suffering, of missing his family.**

_The oak floor begins to crack, the metal walls begin to rust, suddenly everyones attention is brought to five who's eyes are now glowing an evil red._

**_" I AM NOT LOOSING MY FAMILY AGAIN"_ **

_A blinding flash of blue engulfs the armed men as well as the man behind him, they yell in agony as their skin slowly wrinkles, their hair turning grey and falling out, their teeth blackening, their eyes shrinking, their bones crumbling to the ground leaving nothing but a heap of dust._

Five falls to the floor with a thud as his siblings rush to his side all visibly shocked by what they see before them.

"Five-what did you just do!" Allison gasps from behind her hands as she looks down at what used to be her captors. 

five attempts to stand only to crumble back onto the floor within seconds.

He looks up to see his siblings staring at him with fear in their eyes.

_They see it now_

_They see what he really is._

_A killer._

_It angers him. do they not see why he did this!? he did it for THEM! everything he has ever done has been for THEM!_

Five scowls and then grins an unsettling evil grin. " What? you don't think I'm **cute** anymore?" He spits out as he successfully manages to alter into a sitting position.

He watches their glances between one another, like they were having an entire conversation with just their eyes, he hates it.

"stop it"

He snarls.

"Five. you really need to calm down" Diego hesitantly approaching as If he were trying to catch an escaped wild animal. is that how they see him now? an animal?

"No Diego I do NOT need to calm down what I NEED is for you all to stop staring at me like I'm some kind of freak attraction!" His glare burning into Diegos eyes with the built up fury of 45 years. 

"Five-" Luther reaches a hand out. Five snatches his arm, standing up straight and pulling Luther close enough that he can hear his breathing.

"If you _touch me_ I will send you to your own personal version of hell and leave you there to rot" 

Despite five being half his size, Luther has never felt more intimidated as he stared into the darkness of a broken mans eyes.

he pushes his larger brother back. five begins to chuckle at the disbelief in his families expressions, pacing back and forth along the now aged wood he breaks out into a hysterical laughter which sounds painful to his siblings ears.

_FIVE_

**_IM NO ONE YOU WANT TO MESS WITH_ **

_FIVE CALM DOWN_

**_IV KILLED SO MANY PEOPLE_ **

_FIVE LISTEN TO ME_

**_I AM A MONSTER._ **

_"I heard a rumour that you took a nap"_

Five collapsed to the floor, but not before bringing his family a world of guilt with one last tear-filled glance.


	2. I don't need protecting..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five wakes up surrounded by...his siblings?.. his captors?.. he doesn't know anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! thanks for such positive responses on my first ever story! I will get better I promise! haha ENJOY <3

Darkness.

Silence.

He's alone, he's ALWAYS alone.

his vision is blurred. is he.. drunk? no, he hasn't been drinking.

The last thing he remembers is finding his siblings and then..

_He bolts up straight only to be pulled back by restraints._

"No, no, no, NO" fear crawls into his throat. Tears prickling under his eyes. not again! was he dreaming? he HAD to be dreaming! where was his family!?

He struggles against the restraints, willing them to come loose, he hates being held back he HATES IT. all he sees is darkness until a blurred figure approaches him.

"stay back!" he grits out trying not to let his utter panic reach his tone.

_Something is wrong_

_look at his eyes._

_five?_

A hand reaches up to gently touch his shoulder, he freaks.

 **"NO** not again! please! I need to find my family!" sobs bursting from his throat, Tears streaming down his cheeks as he wrestles against the hold.

There is an uncomfortably long silence as the figure turns away.

"w-what? what is he talking about?"

Memories come flooding back...sounds familiar.. Allison?

"Five" an authoritative voice reaches him, he looks around trying to find its source. He must have looked wild because the voice turned to a soft plea. "No no, its okay, you're okay"

Diego? 

His vision begins to clear as he focuses all his senses on the voices.

He's in a bedroom, _his_ bedroom. His hands held back with ropes around the head of his bed frame, his siblings surrounding him all with gut wrenching pitiful expressions.

oh god. five's brain rattles inside his head as he remembers his tear soaked face, his pleas, his weakness.

he turns his head away, using his shoulder to wipe his cheeks, attempting to reinstate his dignity.

"Five?" a small voice finally speaks up _Vanya._

He hears her, but doesn't allow himself to look in their eyes again.

Klaus is the next to talk, "you back with us kid?" 

finally his voice returns to him with menacing revenge. "Don't call me that!"

"He's back" Klaus smiles as he rests his hand on a worried Vanya's shoulders, offering what little comfort he can right now.

there they are again. the eyes. the _Stares._

suddenly his attention is brought back to his arms, still bonded behind him.

Luther follows his smaller brothers eyes and lets out a short sigh before stepping forward, almost protecting the others.

"I'm sorry" Luther spoke, bringing fives full attention back to them. " You were hysterical, you were hurt, you were..dangerous". Five froze. _Dangerous._

"We had no choice, it was to keep everyone safe." Luther glanced behind him, making sure his family was still there for support, or backup.

silence.

Five stares them all down intently. the gears in his head turning rapidly as he tries to contain the anger inside his soul. was he supposed to say something? is that why they were so quiet? are they scared of him? five instinctively brought his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. He has never looked so small.

"We need to talk about what happened back there" Diegos voice brings him out of his battered head.

No

"We need to know what happened"

_No_

"We want to help you"

**NO**

Allisons hand reached out to Diegos shoulder, she tilts her head toward five who is shaking his head slowly.

She approaches the side of his bed with motherly instinct in her eyes. She sits down on the floor beside him, he shifts away from her when he feels her getting closer. his eyes tight shut, his mouth dry, his head aching.

"Five." her voice is so soft. its too soft. he isn't ready for this.

"Get out" five whispers. he practically hears their shared glances.

Klaus pipes up, with his usual carefree tone, "Exqueeze me?".

"Get. **OUT"** The growl that escapes his voice does not go unnoticed. his hands sizzle, the furniture creaks. 

" **NOW"**

Before he could see if his (tantrum) argument had worked, a twinge in fives side reduced his yelling to a loud pained whine.

the last thing he heard before he succumbed to unconsciousness was a collaborate scream.

"FIVE!" 

and just like that. He returned to the darkness of his mind. shit.


	3. Time warp to insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five does not APPEAR in this SHORT chapter sorry. but he will in the next one which will be out soon. do not worry! MORE ANGST AN FEELINGS TO COME.  
> -  
> This has been such a fun way for me to pass time during quarantine and get out some ideas for five angst XD  
> -  
> I will be writing more stories with better plots I promise but im glad to see people enjoying it !

Life could never be easy for the Hargreeves. They had been through 2 apocalypses, loss, heartbreak. you would think once they were now home in a semi stable timeline things would START to pick up. yet here they are, having another one of their ghastly family meetings with their brother passed out in the infirmary.

Vanya and Allison sat in each others arms on the couch, Klaus next to them leaning his head against the back of the chair watching Diego pace back and forth around the room with anxiety filling his eyes. It was Luther who finally broke the unbearable silence. are all families like this?

"Okay" He started, gaining all of their attention.

"We all saw what happened back at that basement right?" suddenly an irritated sigh could be heard echoing around the living room as Diego approaches, clutching a knife in his hand as a form of coping with the stress he has been dealt. "Yes Luther we DO have eyes!"

"I had no idea how..powerful five was.." Vanya played with her hair as she nuzzled further into Allisons side.

Diego glanced toward the infirmary door, as if checking to make sure they were indeed alone to discuss their nutcase of a brother. he leans back against the pillars, eyeing each of his siblings with a look none of them could distinguish. "He's dangerous" his voice finally found him.

**DIEGO**

"Allison you heard how he spoke to Luther, you saw what he can do, you KNOW how messed up the son of a bitch is! it wouldn't be the first time one of our own turned against us" his eyes found Vanya immediately as he regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. Vanya's eyes glazed over as she turns her head into Allisons arm receiving a sisterly comfort she missed for so long.

"Vanya.." 

"Stop" sounding slightly muffled from the fabric of Allison sleeve which was dampening. tears.

The deadly glare from Allison was enough for Diego to back down and shut his mouth.

Klaus read the room and rose from his seat with a spring like a new born puppy seeing the world for the first time.

"Hey, at least the old man is finally getting checked over. who knows how long its been since he's had a checkup. doctors in the apocalypse must have been shit" His grin meeting Vanya as she chuckles along with him. He always found a way to lift the rooms spirit with his goofy remarks. 

Luther slumped down to sit on the floor rather ungracefully, earning an audible **THUMP** from the wood as he let out a long breath of air before returning the conversation back to its original topic in his best 'Im number One' voice.

"What do you guys think happened to him at the headquarters?" 4 sets of eyes dart toward him as they rattle their brains with theories, non of them pleasant.

"He was so scared. Iv never seen five so scared" Allisons soft voice whispers through her mess of hair, she looks exhausted. 

"We're going to find out. He can't lock us out forever." Anger threatened to escape Diegos tone. How can you blame him?

All he wants to do is help five, why does he have to make it so fucking difficult!? 

Time passed as they waiting for Grace to return from the infirmary with news of their young devils condition.

"Children" her sweet voice almost song-like approached them with a skip in her step. 

"He's awake".

Klaus clapped his hands over his face with a grin, "This is going to be interesting." he beams as they all begin following grace. "Trying to get answers out of a traumatised cranky old man in an adorable teenage body who may or may not wanna kill us? sign me up!".


	4. The dust in my lungs, the ache in my chest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what was happening to five while his siblings were *enjoying* their family meeting!

**Smoke**

**Ash**

**Heat**

Thats all their was in the apocalypse, just smoke, death and destruction. Some days you woke up happy to be alive and some days you woke up wishing you weren't. The red hot sun burning down on your already critically sunburnt skin. The ash coating your lungs, it hurts to breath, he couldn't breathe. 

_My family, my family, I'm doing this for my family._

Blood splattering on the walls, the cries of children, the screams of parents, the scent of sweat and tears lingering in the air as he shoots them all dead.

_My family, my family, I'm doing this for my family._

All the pain. All the suffering he has went through has all been worth it to see his family safe. who cares if he's slowly driving himself mad? he doesn't. Its not important. What's important is that his family is okay. 

It should be so simple. He is back with them and everything should be okay now! but its not. 

\--------

He wakes up to a blearing light directly above his vision. The sun!? Suddenly smoke fills the room, stinging his eyes, crawling down his throat and choking him from the inside.

He coughs desperately trying to clear his airways, he needs fresh air! Its too hot. **Its TOO HOT!**

He kicks and he struggles onto his side, wrapping his arms around his legs and rocking back and forth like a mad man...maybe thats what he was. His coughs don't ease up as he claws at his throat, gaping like a fish..like AJ when he- 

**NO**

He shudders violently, willing the memories to **LEAVE HIM ALONE**.

the click of heels distracts him from his mind. Its her! No its HER!

"NO NO NO" he flips himself onto his back and shuffles further into the back of the bed, eyes shut, voice croaked.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU BITCH! LEAVE ME ALONE!" He exclaims with a fit of coughs interrupting every other word.

"Dear are you alright?"

He froze

That.. thats not..

"Mom?"

fuck. He sounds so small. so weak.

She chuckles sweetly as her heels dance around the room. the smoke begins to clear, the air is BREATHABLE again.

He's in a bright room.. the infirmary. His cheeks would be glowing a bright red had it been anyone else witnessing him in such a state, but this was _mom!_ He never felt judged by her. She was just there to do what she was programmed to do. She had no pity in her eyes when she stared at him, no questions that made him want to run and hide, she was just his mom. he needed his mom.

She pranced over to him, resting a hand on his forehead. "You must have been very sleepy honey!" 

He _tried_ not to cringe at the nickname.

"I-" was all he managed to get out before his voice gave out.

she smiled, reaching to his side table and handing him a tall glass of cool water. "Here you go dear, drink up". He snatched the water from her hands and chugged it in a possible world record time. he was so thirsty. clean water eventually became a luxury in the apocalypse, he's considered it a good day If he managed to find a muddy puddle to drink from. The water was cold and refreshing, he let out a satisfied sigh and placed the glass back on the table.

"Thank you mom"

She grinned that same grin he always remembered, it was nice, reassuring. She walked over to a nearby chair containing a clean uniform, he hadn't even noticed he was sporting his pyjamas, his childlike blue pyjamas that make him feel like an utter fool. 

"Now you get yourself dressed and ill go get the others, they've been very worried about you!" 

Shit.

He watched her majestically walk away, her dress swaying perfectly from side to side. He manages to stand without holding on to something, though the room did swim in his vision for a moment as he made his way over to his uniform staring at them as If they had personally offended him. 

He changed quickly and sat neatly on his bed, waiting. thinking.

_They think you're crazy_

No they don't.. th-they're my family they know Im only trying to protect them.

_They Hate you._

No! You're lying! 

_You should have never came back._

STOP IT.

_You don't belong **ANYWHERE.**_

a single tear falls from his deep sunken eyes as he mutters emotionlessly to himself,

"I know".


End file.
